Date: 03/02/22
Author: Kent Moors, Ph.D.
As I write this Classified Intelligence Brief, matters between the US and Russia are worse than at any time I can remember during my multi-decade tenure in US intelligence. Then, I was getting up daily in a pressure cooker environment, but that Cold War was usually regarded as something both sides could manage. We largely kept score on the margins.
Today, we are faced with a Cold War on steroids. The “outer limits” of a burgeoning conflict are no longer clearly defined.
When this happens, I review my life in “The Great Game” and look for something lighter, an experience that can manage a smile in the current tide of angst.
More often than not, it arises from my wife. This one comes from an installment in Marina’s Moscow Diary syndicated column that appeared in various international newspapers. She has always had the ability to cast a penetrating perspective on just about any situation. Even those attempting to govern with a heavy hand.
There are roadblocks, even in the kind of Russia Putin has in mind. As usual, such things appear small and are local in impact. But the attitude is something that festers, even in the Moscow developing before us today.
Marina is able to find some humor in the most unlikely of places, even when she is poking pompous Russian authority.
As Russian forces encircle Ukrainian cities and Putin threatens a nuclear response against the West, we all would welcome grappling with the Russian bear in a lighter vein.
Moscow Diary
Diary Entry for Sunday, November 23, 1997
I have had a lousy couple of weeks. The weather in Moscow has turned unusually warm long enough for everybody to get sick. My computer is acting up, as is the telephone, and I am still waiting for the “worker” who was supposed to fix a water pipe last Monday.
Now normally I don’t use complete names in my columns, a Russian writer’s habit honed in less open times. But on this occasion, the bureaucrat involved deserves full credit, though (as you will see in a moment) we have already made him a very visible example of official embarrassment in our neighborhood.
It all started here. There used to be a park near my apartment building. Unfortunately, years of city budget cuts, lack of maintenance, and the inevitable results of a declining economy have rendered it an eyesore.
My generation used to play in such parks. These days kids seem to play in the streets while the “parks” are frequented by less desirable individuals.
Elsewhere in Moscow radioactive metals, iodine, and other poisons have been found in areas designated for children. Apparently, toxic waste has been routinely used as land fill. Of course, this was done years ago, we are told. But officials have known about it for some time and chose to do nothing.
Anyway, living in America has taught me that sometimes people have to take the initiative. So having talked it over with some neighbors, and finding others in the building willing to help, we formed a civic action group.
The idea was to clean up “our” park, put in some play equipment for the kids, add a few benches (for readers like me), and wait for the birds and flowers to come back. Seemed simple enough. Ah, but not in the “new” Russia.
Local businesses and residents were only too eager to pitch in. We set up a special bank account for the donations and arranged to have some “environmentally and kid friendly” playground sets sent from Finland. People were really getting into it. And then the bureaucracy stepped in to provide a dose of reality.
Straight out of a Beatles song lyric, the tax man showed up. I suppose the bank had to report the special account. Sasha (our building manager) was informed that public land had been used without official permission. That was the first fine. Improvements had been made without a permit. That was the second fine. A third fine was for not having an inspection in advance of applying for such a permit. The fourth was for changing the land usage (in this case from a drug hangout complete with used needles) without a vote of the neighborhood zone residents.
Now on this last one Sasha responded that just about all the residents were either contributing time or money to the project. Unfortunately, that just brought him a threatened action for holding meetings of an unregistered “dissident front.”
A group of us were delegated to go and see the “tax man.” His name is Valery Maximovich Shitlomanov (that’s S-H-I-T-L-O-M-A-N-O-V) and he shares an office at the district administration with several others – including the building inspector, an animal warden, and somebody in charge of “water sanitation.” I made a particular note of this last guy. When the park matter is settled, I need to talk to him about my broken pipe.
Good ole Valery Maximovich had been waiting for us. In the interim, he had found several other “violations.” It was pretty clear what he wanted. Seems there was yet another fee we had neglected. You know, the kind paid directly to an obliging public employee. But he saved what he thought was the best threat for last.
He had found out that I was an American citizen. “You are in very serious trouble young lady,” he began oh so earnestly. “You have come here to change Moscow without our permission.”
Others in our group started laughing. Valery, you see, was not provided the full story. Despite my US passport and citizenship, I am still Russian according to Russian law and still have residence status in the city. His great shakedown opportunity was slipping through his fingers.
The park was another matter. He has so tied up the project in red tape that it will be some time before anything further can be done. Nonetheless, we did have one last shot at this bureaucratic dinosaur.
While all renovations have been halted, we have added one prominent new feature. Collecting all the trash and refuse we could find, we have piled it at what passes for the park entrance, conspicuously in view of passing traffic. The following large sign was added at the base of our impromptu pyramid:
Dedicated to Valery Maximovich Shitlomanov
(that’s S-H-I-T-L-O-M-A-N-O-V)
Public Servant of Moscow.
I suspect we will get a fine for that too.
As it turns out, Marina was right about the additional fine. There were also brief rumblings about dear Valery filing a personal defamation lawsuit, quickly squelched by another member of Marina’s neighborhood group who just happened to be a local magistrate in return for taking down the “commemorative sign.” The trash pile apparently remained since some felt it was actually an improvement on what was there already.
Meanwhile, the Finnish playground equipment arrived and was put in storage. Lo and behold it was finally put to use when the playground was finally approved … in June 2005, almost eight years after the above events had taken place.
One small step forward for a neighborhood, one small step back for bureaucracy.
As for Valery, he was subsequently charged with embezzlement and bribery for his own pile of other infractions. The case never reached trial and seems to have been just buried. So was he, dying of cancer in 2012. But a less than flattering memory lives on of one Valery Maximovich Shitlomanov (that’s S-H-I-T….).
Chuckle while you can.
Dr. Kent Moors
This is an installment of Classified Intelligence Brief, your guide to what’s really happening behind the headlines… and how to profit from it. Dr. Kent Moors served the United States for 30 years as one of the most highly decorated intelligence operatives alive today (including THREE Presidential commendations).
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